I just don't know anymore. What am I doing wrong? Why doesn't he get it? Why am I to blame? Why am I starting to feel like I'm a guest in my own home. I will continue to smile but the angry and the loniness deepens. From a male perspective, do you like the attention this person gives you? Is it something new and exciting to you? Are you getting close to crossing the line? Is she giving you something I'm not? Why do I see the joy in your eyes when she appears. I long for your affection. I wish to see that joy in your eyes when I appear. I pride myself in being a damn good wife and mother and I work my butt off everyday meeting everybodies needs. Have I lost myself in the process! Why do you keep inviting her in, when you know it pains me. Is it a game? if so, I don't like the rules and I'm not strong enough to play. I'm your wife, I deserve more. I don't want to be your arm candy, I don't want to be the trophy wife. I need to hear my bestfriend tell me everything is going to be ok. but your my bestfriend. You use to put your hand in my hand and tell me there was nothing we could not fix as long as we were together. But last night I saw you fixing someone else.

Last night a few of us mommy's were sitting outside together, while the kids were playing. One mommy was going on and on, how her son wouldn't do this, he wouldn't do that, she wouldn't tolerate this, she wouldn't tolerate that. (Blah, Blah, Blah) Well in the middle of her perfect son speech. Her child runs past us without a stitch of clothing on, holding his weeny, that appeared to be wrapped in bread. As we all were screaming at him, he's screaming back, eat me, eat me! His mommy at this point is up and running after him, screaming stop! He's still screaming eat me, eat me! And the police siren's in the background seem to be getting closer. With in a matter of moments he runs past us again and here comes mommy behind him and then several police cars, blocking the ends of the street. Now this child is on the run, with mommy and several police officers behind him. On the 3rd time around, I did notice he lost the slice of bread.

What happened was the boys in the neighborhood made a bet that whoever dropped the football, while they were tossing it, had to run around the neighborhood twice, naked, with a slice of bread on their weeny. So apparently this little boy lost, but the sad part was the group of boys, then dialed 911 and told the police a naked man was in neighborhood.

Now this child, can no longer be found. So now the search becomes serious. Everybody at this point this looking for the human hotdog. Thank God within a hour he was found, curled up under a bush. After everything quiets down, we are all in the middle of the street talking. Then a dark cloud appears, who's underneath that cloud, "The Spawn-Good-n-Plenty" and then there's Candy Pants, to follow. Now Candy Pants is standing there giving the same "I would not tolerate that speech" Blah, Blah, Blah for the 2nd time. What is so funny as she is giving this speech, Good-n-plenty behind her is giving all of us the finger and lifting her dress up. (What's the saying, "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree") I leave the crowd and go home.

I walk into my house and GI Joe starts with "as parents we have to set limits and not tolerate what these other parents are tolerating" Blah, Blah, Blah for the 3rd time. Did everybody on this block receive the same memo. Just then Sophia runs into the room with my good baking pan, telling us she made brownies. Whats laying in my pan, her poop, she pooped in my baking pan!!! And wants us to eat it! At this point all I could do was grab my bible and lay down.

My day started off great, intil Candy Pants, slammed her moving car in front of me this morning as I was walking home from the bus stop. I don't know why this person gets to me. I don't know why I allow it. I don't even know why I feel threaten by her, but I do. I wish I knew how to post pictures. I'm angry with myself because I have allowed this person to ruin my day. I have to get out of this house and calm down before I pick up my daughter. My sister is on her way over and we are off to get brazilian body waxes, maybe laying on a table while someone is ripping at my cat house, will soothe the beast.

My husband is gone for fleet week. My Friday was spent as class mom enduring field day. Then it was a race to do traffic mom and then a mad dash to meet and greet Sophia at the bus stop. I got to take a quick breather and then its off to our state park because Sophia is in a bug club, inwhich GI Joe is in charge of, so guess who had to take his place as head bug! For 1.5 hours I had the honor of keeping my eyes on 5 kids gone wild in the woods, while collecting bugs. I had kids in trees, as 1 kid ran up the hill, 1 would be running down the hill, not to mention the kids in the river. If I was smart I would have packed my bra and underpants with raw meat, so a grizzly or big foot would have taken me out of my misery.

On Saturday, Mr. Hermit crab died, Sophia spent the morning crying as mommy tried to explain he's in hermit heaven. Whats the next best thing to do, a funeral. We got dressed up to go in the backyard, where Mr. Hermit was put to rest. Several hours later Nemo-1 the goldfish is belly up. We're back in the backyard, where we now lay Nemo-1 to rest. As soon as I take my dress off, Sophia is screaming Nemo-2 the fighter fish is hanging out of the cats mouth. Now I have a fish on the floor and a child who is flipping out. What does a mommy do. I scotch tape the fish back together and put Nemo-2 back in the tank. Don't try this at home because it doesn't work. So we are in the backyard a third time to lay Nemo-2 next to Nemo-1. By the end of the day I'm emotionally drained.

Sunday, I felt so bad for my daughter, I invited her friends over for a water fight and a b-que and to my surprise, everything went well, everybody had a good time. As the sun is setting, I'm enjoying quiet time on the porch reading Sophia a book. When we hear one of our cats howling. At this point I don't know whether to laugh or cry. This cat has a BM stuck halfway out of his butt. So I make Sophia hold him down, while I put on rubber gloves, lube him up and start pulling. Try doing this without vomiting or cursing. Job done and its lights out!!!

Monday morning starts off with the death of Mr. Lizard and my daughter with tears in her eyes for the 4th time. She no longer wants to hear the circle of life story or her animals are with the The Crocodile Hunter. And personally I can't handle seeing her this upset anymore. But to top it off, Sophia requests that I perform CPR! Is there no limit to my suffering. I put on rubber gloves and press on Mr. Lizards chest several times. Much to my amazement he is not responding. So what does a good emergency nurse do. I put Mr. Lizard on life support till my husband gets home. I taped 2 earphones to his chest, which are plugged into the radio, while light FM is playing. To make matters more insane, my daughter made me insert a juice straw in this mouth to help him breath.

GI Joe is going to have to handle this one, I'm done!! At least there are no more tears and I'm taking this poor child to the beach for some sun and fun. When we come home, I will contact Mr. Lizards family to let him know time is limited.

Happy Memorial Day everyone!!!!!

I give up!! Last night was suppose to be storytime night at my house, my family raced through dinner, I made kid friendly snacks, I even made take home goody bags. Everybody arrived on time, so as the kids are lined up to walk into our home, I hear "your momma's ass smells!" (Thank God, he wasn't talking about me, he was talking about another mom's smelly ass). All in a matter of seconds, there's a pile up of kids, fighting on my front lawn. There's kicking, screaming and the F word coming out of every mouth including parents as we all are scrambling to separate these children. We finally have a moment of peace and the pollyanna that I'm trying to be, opens my mouth to tell these brats, that there will be no fighting in my house and we must learn to love and respect one another. What was I thinking! Because at the end of my sunshine speech, I was shot in the face with a water gun!! And then round two starts. This ended with a police siren going off in front of my house, because one of these darling children dialed 911 from their cell phone. Needless to say the kind officer thought it was best that storytime be cancelled and everybody go home. Thank God!!! As usually I put Sophia to bed explaining to her that what went on outside and the language was not exceptable behavior and should not be mirrored in anyway. Her reply to me was "Mom, he was telling the truth, she does have a smelly butt and if you get close enough to it, you can see smoke."

Is my neighbors behind, smoking? And what kind of toxic fume is being expelled. I'm going to have to check into this. And do you believe this continued at the bus stop this morning with the parents. Apparently smelly ass was accusing another neighbor that his son started it. I put Sophia on the bus and sat with the bus driver, while this was going on. But do you know where my focus was? My focus was of smelly ass, I was looking for smoke! The argument was getting out of hand, so I removed my daughter from the bus and drove her to school.

What is wrong with my neighborhood? Sometimes I wonder if I'm in the middle of some sort of lab experiment.